Thursday, 24 January 2013

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...

Day 9 of stims

I have oodles of things that I need to blurt out but I'm feeling a bit confuddled about how I start getting it out - maybe bullet points will help me focus? I'm rapidly approaching the climax of the fertility treatment, when the Hubster has to "do his bit" and I have to get harvested: ARGH!!! Right here goes with the focused bullet points:
  • Lady pains...
Ok - so I have had full on pains going on downstairs - I would like to say it felt a bit like ovulation pangs but no, full on lady pains. This is a good thing - it means the Gonal F is doing what it is meant to do and my ovaries are kick-starting back into life. My IVF belief CD bangs on about my womb being a dormant tree bursting into life after winter - well I can tell you that is no longer the case - my follicles are growing like they're going out of fashion and this is the reason for the lady pains.

These pangs tend to make one paranoid about developing Ovary Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS) - this is one thing I don't want to get. It's when your ovaries go a bit mental and start producing way too many eggs; it can make you very poorly and worst case scenario an ovary can rupture and kill you - yikes. Kings ACU are rather phenomenal and I have been hounding them this week with various questions. The three day headache, the lady pains and a bit of nausea are all signs that you're developing OHSS, but the real sign is water retention and serious bloating along with all of the above - this I don't have - the nurses reassured me that it just means that I'm kicking back into life and womb lining is getting nice and thick: get in!
  • Chaps, you may not want to read this section... Lady bodily changes
Right - I haven't mentioned this in my previous entries but one of the things I noticed when I started down regulating, (and I've been debating whether or not I should write about it), was that my boobs seemed to deflate :( They just did not have their joie de vivre anymore. At the time this was the least of my concerns as I just felt so goddam crap - I could've had one massive boob and one teeny-tiny one for all I cared: deflated boobs were the least of my worries! Between hot flushes, tears, headaches, insomnia etc I had enough to try and handle let alone getting myself into a tizz about having to tighten my bra straps!

One of the side affects of injecting buserelin is foof dryness (see The Guide to Assisted Conception Services at King's for the technical list of side affects) - oh yeeeeeaaaaah - just to make you feel that little bit sexier: deflated boobs, mood swings, hot sweaty flushes, headaches, loss of appetite, insomnia, tears, exhaustion - yup - let's just add a dry foof to the mix to make you feel that little bit more feminine hey?! (Chaps I did warn you this bullet point was close to the bone!) Well fast forward to day 9 of stims and a complete 180ยบ has occurred... 

Ladies, if you're trying for a baby and are monitoring when you ovulate you'll all be more than aware that one of the main signs that it's time for some hot lurvin' with the man in your life who you intend on procreating with is: egg white cervical mucus (or as I prefer to refer to it: foo' ju!) This is exactly as it sounds but stretchy - very stretchy. "The Sahara turns to the Nile" as my lovely friend Boki put it just a couple of moments ago! Now, this actually made me panic, I judge such bodily functions as a clear indicator that it's time to get back on the horse so to speak, so when I clocked foo' ju my first thought was "oh shit, what if I'm about to ovulate 20 eggs?" What with the Hubster's newly founded super-swimmers the irony wasn't lost on me that if this was the case there was a strong possibility that I may become pregnant with quads (quasi-naturally)! My rational head kicked in, I called Kings (again), and they told me this is a very, very good thing and its a sign of muchos follicles and no - I won't spontaneously ovulate, my eggs are only going to ripen once I have the HCG jab - phew!

So I've got it out - this shizzle has been on the tip of my tongue since I started this blog, but typical British prudishness took over and I thought there was no way I could put this out into cyberspace. BUT you know what? My opening paragraph of this blog stated I was going to give an open an honest account of what IVF is really like, and for that to happen - this needed to be put out there. I've been unable to find one single article anywhere that actually tells it how it is. You can drive yourself demented trawling through fertility forums trying to find out if egg white cervical mucus is "normal" when on stims, and all you get are thread upon thread of women who are exactly like me trying to find out if this is normal. Naturally, virtual friendships are formed on these forums but I've got enough friends and FB friends that I don't feel the need to forge new relationships online, I just want to know if what I was experiencing was normal.  I feel a need to be open and share my experiences (it's also a great stress reliever and it helps me categorise and file away what is happening to us - it helps me manage our journey and how it makes me feel). When the Hubster and I first started our IVF journey I was obsessed with research and filling my head with as much information as possible, but not once did I read anything about boobs deflating - ladies need to know this stuff so screw you British prudishness! Anyhow, back to my point - I eventually found enough blog entries to kinda put my mind at ease (I still called Kings), but there wasn't anything that cropped up that explained what this is really like. So if I've done one thing (other than make myself feel better through cathartic release), I hope that a woman somewhere on this earth has stumbled across my blog and felt reassured. 

So, it's 12 hours till scan day, getting all of this out has most certainly calmed me; I will be back tomorrow with an update... Do I have oodles of follicles that are at least 18mm in diameter or do I need to continue the daily doo-lally jabs that little bit longer? One thing is for sure, next week is harvest time - we just don't quite know when... Exciting, scary, nerve wracking... EEEEEEK! Think I'll be getting some good value IVF hypnotherapy CD action this evening!

Wish me luck, catch ya later, :) xxx

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