Stimulation overdrive...

Day 11 of stims

Yesterday was such a full-on, emotional day that I just didn't have the energy required to focus enough for a blog post, so here goes.

I was right - there has been a lot of activity going on downstairs as I have a whopping 26 follicles - whoop whoop whoop and my gosh - they're large! Not quite large enough for egg collection (EC) on Monday but it will be happening on Wednesday. However, this means that I am now at a high risk of developing OHSS - boo.  After my scan (which was fascinating) I saw one of the nurses (Laura) and she ran through with me when I would be taking my last buserelin and Gonal F jabs and what the scenario would be for either a Monday or Wednesday EC (and gave me an anal suppository for EC day - gosh this IVF shizzle is sooooo sexy eh?!) I then had to see a doctor, who ran through with us what all the risks are with OHSS and what would I like to do with regards to my treatment:

a) Cancel my treatment - NO WAY JOSÉ!!!
b) Freeze my eggs and then carry on with treatment at a later date - NO WAY JOSÉ AGAIN! The treatment options on the NHS aren't as generous as they used to be and with only getting one fully-funded full cycle on the NHS we're not doing that!
c) Continue with treatment - YES WAY!!!

Doc mentioned how healthy I am, said my womb lining looks nice and thick, the reason for my enthusiastic response is due to being so healthy so this is good. Nice thick lining is the way forward if I want a successful implantation - this is what all the co-enzyme q10 is for - to help encourage a succesful implantation.

However, my pains are going to get worse, when I take my HCG trigger shot at 9pm on Monday evening I'm going to feel crap afterwards (OHSS thrives under HCG), after EC I will feel momentarily better but my follicles will fill back up with liquid and I will start feeling like crap again and after embryo transfer (ET) and presuming pregnancy occurs - oh yes - I will feel even more crap! What happens (as explained in my previous post), after the ovaries start going a bit crazy and keep on producing follicles that keep expanding - (this is the cause of the pain - 26 follicles all around 18m in diameter each - how the hell is all of that fitting in my womb? No wonder I've been feeling uncomfortable?!) The follicles are filling with liquid, this can seep out into the abdomen (hence looking out for water retention and bloating), but this can also show itself in fat ankles, a shortness of breath, dark coloured pee, resulting in nausea and vomiting and God forbid a blood clot. If I get a lot of water around my tummy, I'll have a drain fitted and as long as we are comfortable changing the drain I can have this at home, worst case scenario I'll have to go into hospital. I have been reassured that at Kings they have only had to cancel one IVF cycle as a result of OHSS, and that as this is always treated it's not fatal. What is reassuring to know is that OHSS doesn't impact on the likelihood of IVF resulting in a pregnancy (nor does it harm a pregnancy), and the staff at Kings are going to be keeping an eye on me and will be calling me daily after EC to check up on how I am feeling.

So yesterday, the Hubster and I were buzzing with nerves but mainly excitement - I can't quite believe that after trying for yonks, jumping through hoops with the NHS to get treatment, and then lockdown we are finally here. To think that this time next week there could be oodles of mini-me embryos all dividing on a petri dish waiting to be transferred into my womb (baby-house - this is what I hope it will be known as for the next nine months). SO EXCITING!!!

I have never, ever wanted something as bad as I want this - please, please, please let it work. If you are reading this please pray to whatever deity rocks your boat that this works. I am most certainly going to mass tomorrow - I/we have never, ever wanted anything as bad as we want this - I need to start showing my face at mass more often anyhow so there's no better time to start than now in my opinion. The nurse said I am a textbook case so far and given our positive, cheery outlook and healthy living there is no reason why we won't be pregnant this time next month. She also said that the Hubster's swimmers improvement is "commendable!" How awesome is that?! We were told at the beginning of treatment we have 40% chance of success (which is high going by IVF standards - I think this must've improved with all of our healthy living?)

So I've spoken to work about the posibility of developing OHSS, I don't think it went in really but if I feel in the slightest bit squiffy I shan't be going in to work - this is too important. I do feel at the moment like I'm about to come on - my lower abdomen is very firm to the touch and I have been getting pangs in my left side by my left ovary - this makes sense as there are 14 follicles on that side (and by the feel of it as I am on stims now for another two days I wouldn't be surprised if more follicles rock up), my boobs have gone from being deflated a couple of weeks ago to being back to their pre-menstrual self - larger and a bit tender - so yes - I feel like I feel when I am about to ovulate. With regards to the foo'ju - I told the nurses they need to tell ladies this shizzle! Needless to say they cracked up - not everyone gets it apparently but still - I can't see the harm in forewarning ladies that they may get it?!

So exciting days ahead, in the meantime I need to keep an eye on myself, make sure I'm drinking lots of water and I need to monitor the colour of my pee. I know one person who has had OHSS as a result of IVF and she had to go into hospital and I know from her account that is excruciatingly painful. She did get two beautiful baby girls from her IVF stint (first go) though - Molly and Josie - they are gorgeous so it's worth it. Kids hey - what - us ladies go through to get them? A friend of mine and his wife are also having IVF, at Kings and their EC is on Monday, another friend I know has had just her fourth ET, another friend of mine has had several IVF journeys and is now going down the surrogacy route, a parent from my Beaver Scout group went through IVF seven times to get her lovely boy Jonnie and someone at work is currently expecting (and she has the most gorgeous bump - she is positively glowing) - her pregnancy is a result of her first IVF attempt. My point is that IVF and infertility needn't be the taboo that it is, it's more common than we think. I am convinced we will get pregnant - my friends are all popping babies out left right and centre at the moment and I'm not going to lie and say I don't find it hard as I do find it hard - very hard but this gives me hope; hope that our journey is going to be a short(ish) one by IVF standards and I am going to join my bessie mates and have a mini-me of my own.

I'm actually off to meet one of my bessie mates for brunch this morning so I need to get a move on - it's just us two this morning, her wee man (affectionately referred to as "The Dude") is hanging out with Daddy this morning whilst us girls chew the fat. Tomorrow marks 17 years to the day when I first clapped eyes on the Hubster so I may see if I can find him a little pressie to say thank you for being amazing (that means I have spent 50% of my life with my wonderful Hubster - eeek! We REALLY deserve a break and to be able to have our own family - 17 years shouldn't be sniffed at). We don't normally do stuff like that - spend lots of money on presents on anniversaries - that is NOT the key to a long-relationship: love, trust, laughter and honesty are, not excessive gift giving (but that lecture is for another time). BUT my lovely Hubster deserves a little something, even if it is a silly a present - just to say thank you don't you think?

I must dash - catch ya later :) xxx

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...

Day 9 of stims

I have oodles of things that I need to blurt out but I'm feeling a bit confuddled about how I start getting it out - maybe bullet points will help me focus? I'm rapidly approaching the climax of the fertility treatment, when the Hubster has to "do his bit" and I have to get harvested: ARGH!!! Right here goes with the focused bullet points:

• Lady pains...

Ok - so I have had full on pains going on downstairs - I would like to say it felt a bit like ovulation pangs but no, full on lady pains. This is a good thing - it means the Gonal F is doing what it is meant to do and my ovaries are kick-starting back into life. My IVF belief CD bangs on about my womb being a dormant tree bursting into life after winter - well I can tell you that is no longer the case - my follicles are growing like they're going out of fashion and this is the reason for the lady pains.

These pangs tend to make one paranoid about developing Ovary Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS) - this is one thing I don't want to get. It's when your ovaries go a bit mental and start producing way too many eggs; it can make you very poorly and worst case scenario an ovary can rupture and kill you - yikes. Kings ACU are rather phenomenal and I have been hounding them this week with various questions. The three day headache, the lady pains and a bit of nausea are all signs that you're developing OHSS, but the real sign is water retention and serious bloating along with all of the above - this I don't have - the nurses reassured me that it just means that I'm kicking back into life and womb lining is getting nice and thick: get in!

• Chaps, you may not want to read this section... Lady bodily changes

Right - I haven't mentioned this in my previous entries but one of the things I noticed when I started down regulating, (and I've been debating whether or not I should write about it), was that my boobs seemed to deflate :( They just did not have their joie de vivre anymore. At the time this was the least of my concerns as I just felt so goddam crap - I could've had one massive boob and one teeny-tiny one for all I cared: deflated boobs were the least of my worries! Between hot flushes, tears, headaches, insomnia etc I had enough to try and handle let alone getting myself into a tizz about having to tighten my bra straps!

One of the side affects of injecting buserelin is foof dryness (see The Guide to Assisted Conception Services at King's for the technical list of side affects) - oh yeeeeeaaaaah - just to make you feel that little bit sexier: deflated boobs, mood swings, hot sweaty flushes, headaches, loss of appetite, insomnia, tears, exhaustion - yup - let's just add a dry foof to the mix to make you feel that little bit more feminine hey?! (Chaps I did warn you this bullet point was close to the bone!) Well fast forward to day 9 of stims and a complete 180º has occurred... 

Ladies, if you're trying for a baby and are monitoring when you ovulate you'll all be more than aware that one of the main signs that it's time for some hot lurvin' with the man in your life who you intend on procreating with is: egg white cervical mucus (or as I prefer to refer to it: foo' ju!) This is exactly as it sounds but stretchy - very stretchy. "The Sahara turns to the Nile" as my lovely friend Boki put it just a couple of moments ago! Now, this actually made me panic, I judge such bodily functions as a clear indicator that it's time to get back on the horse so to speak, so when I clocked foo' ju my first thought was "oh shit, what if I'm about to ovulate 20 eggs?" What with the Hubster's newly founded super-swimmers the irony wasn't lost on me that if this was the case there was a strong possibility that I may become pregnant with quads (quasi-naturally)! My rational head kicked in, I called Kings (again), and they told me this is a very, very good thing and its a sign of muchos follicles and no - I won't spontaneously ovulate, my eggs are only going to ripen once I have the HCG jab - phew!

So I've got it out - this shizzle has been on the tip of my tongue since I started this blog, but typical British prudishness took over and I thought there was no way I could put this out into cyberspace. BUT you know what? My opening paragraph of this blog stated I was going to give an open an honest account of what IVF is really like, and for that to happen - this needed to be put out there. I've been unable to find one single article anywhere that actually tells it how it is. You can drive yourself demented trawling through fertility forums trying to find out if egg white cervical mucus is "normal" when on stims, and all you get are thread upon thread of women who are exactly like me trying to find out if this is normal. Naturally, virtual friendships are formed on these forums but I've got enough friends and FB friends that I don't feel the need to forge new relationships online, I just want to know if what I was experiencing was normal.  I feel a need to be open and share my experiences (it's also a great stress reliever and it helps me categorise and file away what is happening to us - it helps me manage our journey and how it makes me feel). When the Hubster and I first started our IVF journey I was obsessed with research and filling my head with as much information as possible, but not once did I read anything about boobs deflating - ladies need to know this stuff so screw you British prudishness! Anyhow, back to my point - I eventually found enough blog entries to kinda put my mind at ease (I still called Kings), but there wasn't anything that cropped up that explained what this is really like. So if I've done one thing (other than make myself feel better through cathartic release), I hope that a woman somewhere on this earth has stumbled across my blog and felt reassured. 

So, it's 12 hours till scan day, getting all of this out has most certainly calmed me; I will be back tomorrow with an update... Do I have oodles of follicles that are at least 18mm in diameter or do I need to continue the daily doo-lally jabs that little bit longer? One thing is for sure, next week is harvest time - we just don't quite know when... Exciting, scary, nerve wracking... EEEEEEK! Think I'll be getting some good value IVF hypnotherapy CD action this evening!

Wish me luck, catch ya later, :) xxx