One day till down regulation
Tonight I shall drink a glass of red wine or two or three.
Tonight I shall scoff loads of seriously yummy food and not care if I'm eating more carbs as opposed to protein.
Tonight I'm going to try and remember what the Hubster and I were like before before we embarked on our journey to the land of IF.
Tonight I am going to sleep like a baby in my bed and wrap myself around my duvet in the knowledge that I'm not going to overheat.
Tonight I shall be headache free.
Tonight I'm not going to be anxious.
Tonight I'm not going to flap or fret about the next seven or so weeks.
Tonight I am re-reading my blog entries from earlier this year with a slight sense of trepidation.
Tonight I am relishing an injection free night as tomorrow night marks day one of down regulation - BRING IT ON!!!
The Hubster and I finally had our joint counselling session last week and unlike the ones I have been to by myself this one really choked me up. Going for counselling at the assisted conception unit seems a bit wrong to me - that place is full of baby-related stuff: scans, nurses, hospital gowns, swimmer collection rooms, egg collection theatres, embryo transfers and its where our mini-mes are frozen - it's just so RAW. The counsellor there is lovely, I really clicked with her and so did my Hubster. What caught me off guard and stunted my speech was being asked "when did you lose your baby?" Wow. To finally have someone speak to me so honestly with the acknowledgement that yes - I lost my baby... and no, I'm not over it which made both the Hubster and I think: WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY are we doing this again so bloody quickly when both of us are blatantly not ready for it? I have been warned, if this cycle doesn't work then not only will I be dealing with the three and half years of trying and not conceiving, but also the loss of our baby in February and then the loss of not one but two mini-mes. Seriously, we must be off our rockers? If this doesn't work then I don't know if I'll ever find the old me again, I'm not sure I'll be able to fix us (but I don't have choice really do I?)
BUT I can give you the answer to my questions: we want more than anything to be pregnant, we want to me a Mummy and Daddy and we know we will be bloody brilliant parents. All my fear is quashed under our teeny 20% chance of becoming pregnant. I've decided not to listen to the statistics - I was told I had a 60-70% chance of success on our last cycle and it didn't work so in my head - with two mini-mes being transferred we have just as much chance as anyone. I don't tend to take the easy path with anything so why should this be any different?
So from tomorrow onwards we're back to the injections, I'm off to see Elise (who I am sticking with - it's not practise in the counselling world to have more than one counsellor but I didn't want us to miss our joint appointment at Kings), I'm 100% off the booze, I'm back to listening to my IVF belief CD and I'm waiting for the side affects to kick-in. They took about four days last time round, I have one of my best friend's hen-do this weekend, that is on day five... I'm anxious about being teary, having hot flushes, getting headaches and just not wanting to be there, I'm anxious about watching all my friends get hammered whilst I stay sober - thank goodness for my Bessie being pregnant - both of us are (or were) THE party starters - oh how times have changed! I'm still funny in big groups where you are supposed to be having fun so I'm a bit worried about Saturday - I don't think I'll be my usual up-for-it self but I'll sure as hell give it a go. It'll be my first sober hen-do so we'll see how my stamina goes, it'll be good prep for the wedding as this will be around embryo transfer time - I do pick my moments hey?!
So that's it from me for tonight - I'm going to enjoy my last injection free evening for a good while - let the positive vibes commence, may the chemical menopause symptoms be gentle on me and may all my worry about my heart shattering into a million pieces again be put to rest. From this day onwards for our second cycle - PMA will prevail.
Catch ya later :) x
Showing posts with label Injections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Injections. Show all posts
Monday, 8 April 2013
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Ready or not...
In T minus 11 hours the Hubster and I will be at King's ACU; I'll be sedated, in theatre having my eggs harvested: OH MY GOD!!!
Breathe Johanna, breathe!
Normally I am getting my jabs ready around about now (started writing at 7:30pm in case you were wondering about the time lapse), but not tonight - I did the last one of those bad boys last night - happy days. The last buserelin, doo-lally jab was dispatched at 18:45, the one and only HCG trigger shot was done at 21:03 - exactly 36 hours before egg collection.
The last buserelin (doo-lally) jab
The one and only HCG trigger shot box that has been sitting in my fridge for just over three months
And the pre-loaded injection pen - natural at this jabbing malarkey now!
As promised the HCG trigger shot has "made me feel like crap." I woke up this morning looking like I was five months pregnant from all the bloating, my ovaries have been aching (particularly when I have to go for a pee), I've been feeling very nauseous - happy days. The bloating does have a bonus, I was offered a seat on the way to work twice this morning (and I took both of them; I'm near enough pregnant eh?!) Only time will tell of I get full-blown OHSS, fingers crossed I'm through with the side affects.
So tomorrow is D-day, we're up nice and early, I will have to get to grips with yet another glamourous side of IVF, the anal suppository that I have to insert an hour before I leave - oh yeeeaaaaah! This forms the first part of the analgesia so I'm sure I'll be grateful for it when it comes to egg collection. Of course tomorrow is the day that the Hubster "gets to do his bit." I know this whole process is mainly about me but obviously the Hubster plays an absolutely vital role and gosh - he's going to have to perform under pressure tomorrow morning - I do feel a teeny bit sorry for him but then all the staff at Kings have seen this thing a million times before. So whilst the Hubster is doing his bit I'll be getting into my gown and getting ready for the intravenous injection of pethidine (a strong painkiller), and midazolam (a sedative) to make the procedure more comfortable.
With a bit of luck these follicles will have some nice juicy, ripe eggs in them ready for harvesting, that the Hubster has some super swimmers, and there is some serious fertilisation going on.
So that's it from me today as I need to try and get an early night. I'll update either tomorrow or Friday with how many eggs were collected and whether we're having IVF or ICSI (and I'll explain what the difference is).
Seriously exciting (but oh so scary stuff). It's all been leading up to this day - let's hope it's all been worth it. IT'S GONNA HAPPEN!!!
Catch ya later :) x
btw: this tune has been in my head all day: DJ Hype, Ready or Not - can't imagine why?! If you're into your d'n'b then you'll like this - enjoy :)
Breathe Johanna, breathe!
Normally I am getting my jabs ready around about now (started writing at 7:30pm in case you were wondering about the time lapse), but not tonight - I did the last one of those bad boys last night - happy days. The last buserelin, doo-lally jab was dispatched at 18:45, the one and only HCG trigger shot was done at 21:03 - exactly 36 hours before egg collection.
The last buserelin (doo-lally) jab
The one and only HCG trigger shot box that has been sitting in my fridge for just over three months
And the pre-loaded injection pen - natural at this jabbing malarkey now!
As promised the HCG trigger shot has "made me feel like crap." I woke up this morning looking like I was five months pregnant from all the bloating, my ovaries have been aching (particularly when I have to go for a pee), I've been feeling very nauseous - happy days. The bloating does have a bonus, I was offered a seat on the way to work twice this morning (and I took both of them; I'm near enough pregnant eh?!) Only time will tell of I get full-blown OHSS, fingers crossed I'm through with the side affects.
So tomorrow is D-day, we're up nice and early, I will have to get to grips with yet another glamourous side of IVF, the anal suppository that I have to insert an hour before I leave - oh yeeeaaaaah! This forms the first part of the analgesia so I'm sure I'll be grateful for it when it comes to egg collection. Of course tomorrow is the day that the Hubster "gets to do his bit." I know this whole process is mainly about me but obviously the Hubster plays an absolutely vital role and gosh - he's going to have to perform under pressure tomorrow morning - I do feel a teeny bit sorry for him but then all the staff at Kings have seen this thing a million times before. So whilst the Hubster is doing his bit I'll be getting into my gown and getting ready for the intravenous injection of pethidine (a strong painkiller), and midazolam (a sedative) to make the procedure more comfortable.
With a bit of luck these follicles will have some nice juicy, ripe eggs in them ready for harvesting, that the Hubster has some super swimmers, and there is some serious fertilisation going on.
So that's it from me today as I need to try and get an early night. I'll update either tomorrow or Friday with how many eggs were collected and whether we're having IVF or ICSI (and I'll explain what the difference is).
Seriously exciting (but oh so scary stuff). It's all been leading up to this day - let's hope it's all been worth it. IT'S GONNA HAPPEN!!!
Catch ya later :) x
btw: this tune has been in my head all day: DJ Hype, Ready or Not - can't imagine why?! If you're into your d'n'b then you'll like this - enjoy :)
Saturday, 26 January 2013
Stimulation overdrive...
Day 11 of stims
Yesterday was such a full-on, emotional day that I just didn't have the energy required to focus enough for a blog post, so here goes.
I was right - there has been a lot of activity going on downstairs as I have a whopping 26 follicles - whoop whoop whoop and my gosh - they're large! Not quite large enough for egg collection (EC) on Monday but it will be happening on Wednesday. However, this means that I am now at a high risk of developing OHSS - boo. After my scan (which was fascinating) I saw one of the nurses (Laura) and she ran through with me when I would be taking my last buserelin and Gonal F jabs and what the scenario would be for either a Monday or Wednesday EC (and gave me an anal suppository for EC day - gosh this IVF shizzle is sooooo sexy eh?!) I then had to see a doctor, who ran through with us what all the risks are with OHSS and what would I like to do with regards to my treatment:
a) Cancel my treatment - NO WAY JOSÉ!!!
b) Freeze my eggs and then carry on with treatment at a later date - NO WAY JOSÉ AGAIN! The treatment options on the NHS aren't as generous as they used to be and with only getting one fully-funded full cycle on the NHS we're not doing that!
c) Continue with treatment - YES WAY!!!
Doc mentioned how healthy I am, said my womb lining looks nice and thick, the reason for my enthusiastic response is due to being so healthy so this is good. Nice thick lining is the way forward if I want a successful implantation - this is what all the co-enzyme q10 is for - to help encourage a succesful implantation.
However, my pains are going to get worse, when I take my HCG trigger shot at 9pm on Monday evening I'm going to feel crap afterwards (OHSS thrives under HCG), after EC I will feel momentarily better but my follicles will fill back up with liquid and I will start feeling like crap again and after embryo transfer (ET) and presuming pregnancy occurs - oh yes - I will feel even more crap! What happens (as explained in my previous post), after the ovaries start going a bit crazy and keep on producing follicles that keep expanding - (this is the cause of the pain - 26 follicles all around 18m in diameter each - how the hell is all of that fitting in my womb? No wonder I've been feeling uncomfortable?!) The follicles are filling with liquid, this can seep out into the abdomen (hence looking out for water retention and bloating), but this can also show itself in fat ankles, a shortness of breath, dark coloured pee, resulting in nausea and vomiting and God forbid a blood clot. If I get a lot of water around my tummy, I'll have a drain fitted and as long as we are comfortable changing the drain I can have this at home, worst case scenario I'll have to go into hospital. I have been reassured that at Kings they have only had to cancel one IVF cycle as a result of OHSS, and that as this is always treated it's not fatal. What is reassuring to know is that OHSS doesn't impact on the likelihood of IVF resulting in a pregnancy (nor does it harm a pregnancy), and the staff at Kings are going to be keeping an eye on me and will be calling me daily after EC to check up on how I am feeling.
So yesterday, the Hubster and I were buzzing with nerves but mainly excitement - I can't quite believe that after trying for yonks, jumping through hoops with the NHS to get treatment, and then lockdown we are finally here. To think that this time next week there could be oodles of mini-me embryos all dividing on a petri dish waiting to be transferred into my womb (baby-house - this is what I hope it will be known as for the next nine months). SO EXCITING!!!
I have never, ever wanted something as bad as I want this - please, please, please let it work. If you are reading this please pray to whatever deity rocks your boat that this works. I am most certainly going to mass tomorrow - I/we have never, ever wanted anything as bad as we want this - I need to start showing my face at mass more often anyhow so there's no better time to start than now in my opinion. The nurse said I am a textbook case so far and given our positive, cheery outlook and healthy living there is no reason why we won't be pregnant this time next month. She also said that the Hubster's swimmers improvement is "commendable!" How awesome is that?! We were told at the beginning of treatment we have 40% chance of success (which is high going by IVF standards - I think this must've improved with all of our healthy living?)
So I've spoken to work about the posibility of developing OHSS, I don't think it went in really but if I feel in the slightest bit squiffy I shan't be going in to work - this is too important. I do feel at the moment like I'm about to come on - my lower abdomen is very firm to the touch and I have been getting pangs in my left side by my left ovary - this makes sense as there are 14 follicles on that side (and by the feel of it as I am on stims now for another two days I wouldn't be surprised if more follicles rock up), my boobs have gone from being deflated a couple of weeks ago to being back to their pre-menstrual self - larger and a bit tender - so yes - I feel like I feel when I am about to ovulate. With regards to the foo'ju - I told the nurses they need to tell ladies this shizzle! Needless to say they cracked up - not everyone gets it apparently but still - I can't see the harm in forewarning ladies that they may get it?!
So exciting days ahead, in the meantime I need to keep an eye on myself, make sure I'm drinking lots of water and I need to monitor the colour of my pee. I know one person who has had OHSS as a result of IVF and she had to go into hospital and I know from her account that is excruciatingly painful. She did get two beautiful baby girls from her IVF stint (first go) though - Molly and Josie - they are gorgeous so it's worth it. Kids hey - what - us ladies go through to get them? A friend of mine and his wife are also having IVF, at Kings and their EC is on Monday, another friend I know has had just her fourth ET, another friend of mine has had several IVF journeys and is now going down the surrogacy route, a parent from my Beaver Scout group went through IVF seven times to get her lovely boy Jonnie and someone at work is currently expecting (and she has the most gorgeous bump - she is positively glowing) - her pregnancy is a result of her first IVF attempt. My point is that IVF and infertility needn't be the taboo that it is, it's more common than we think. I am convinced we will get pregnant - my friends are all popping babies out left right and centre at the moment and I'm not going to lie and say I don't find it hard as I do find it hard - very hard but this gives me hope; hope that our journey is going to be a short(ish) one by IVF standards and I am going to join my bessie mates and have a mini-me of my own.
I'm actually off to meet one of my bessie mates for brunch this morning so I need to get a move on - it's just us two this morning, her wee man (affectionately referred to as "The Dude") is hanging out with Daddy this morning whilst us girls chew the fat. Tomorrow marks 17 years to the day when I first clapped eyes on the Hubster so I may see if I can find him a little pressie to say thank you for being amazing (that means I have spent 50% of my life with my wonderful Hubster - eeek! We REALLY deserve a break and to be able to have our own family - 17 years shouldn't be sniffed at). We don't normally do stuff like that - spend lots of money on presents on anniversaries - that is NOT the key to a long-relationship: love, trust, laughter and honesty are, not excessive gift giving (but that lecture is for another time). BUT my lovely Hubster deserves a little something, even if it is a silly a present - just to say thank you don't you think?
I must dash - catch ya later :) xxx
Yesterday was such a full-on, emotional day that I just didn't have the energy required to focus enough for a blog post, so here goes.
I was right - there has been a lot of activity going on downstairs as I have a whopping 26 follicles - whoop whoop whoop and my gosh - they're large! Not quite large enough for egg collection (EC) on Monday but it will be happening on Wednesday. However, this means that I am now at a high risk of developing OHSS - boo. After my scan (which was fascinating) I saw one of the nurses (Laura) and she ran through with me when I would be taking my last buserelin and Gonal F jabs and what the scenario would be for either a Monday or Wednesday EC (and gave me an anal suppository for EC day - gosh this IVF shizzle is sooooo sexy eh?!) I then had to see a doctor, who ran through with us what all the risks are with OHSS and what would I like to do with regards to my treatment:
a) Cancel my treatment - NO WAY JOSÉ!!!
b) Freeze my eggs and then carry on with treatment at a later date - NO WAY JOSÉ AGAIN! The treatment options on the NHS aren't as generous as they used to be and with only getting one fully-funded full cycle on the NHS we're not doing that!
c) Continue with treatment - YES WAY!!!
Doc mentioned how healthy I am, said my womb lining looks nice and thick, the reason for my enthusiastic response is due to being so healthy so this is good. Nice thick lining is the way forward if I want a successful implantation - this is what all the co-enzyme q10 is for - to help encourage a succesful implantation.
However, my pains are going to get worse, when I take my HCG trigger shot at 9pm on Monday evening I'm going to feel crap afterwards (OHSS thrives under HCG), after EC I will feel momentarily better but my follicles will fill back up with liquid and I will start feeling like crap again and after embryo transfer (ET) and presuming pregnancy occurs - oh yes - I will feel even more crap! What happens (as explained in my previous post), after the ovaries start going a bit crazy and keep on producing follicles that keep expanding - (this is the cause of the pain - 26 follicles all around 18m in diameter each - how the hell is all of that fitting in my womb? No wonder I've been feeling uncomfortable?!) The follicles are filling with liquid, this can seep out into the abdomen (hence looking out for water retention and bloating), but this can also show itself in fat ankles, a shortness of breath, dark coloured pee, resulting in nausea and vomiting and God forbid a blood clot. If I get a lot of water around my tummy, I'll have a drain fitted and as long as we are comfortable changing the drain I can have this at home, worst case scenario I'll have to go into hospital. I have been reassured that at Kings they have only had to cancel one IVF cycle as a result of OHSS, and that as this is always treated it's not fatal. What is reassuring to know is that OHSS doesn't impact on the likelihood of IVF resulting in a pregnancy (nor does it harm a pregnancy), and the staff at Kings are going to be keeping an eye on me and will be calling me daily after EC to check up on how I am feeling.
So yesterday, the Hubster and I were buzzing with nerves but mainly excitement - I can't quite believe that after trying for yonks, jumping through hoops with the NHS to get treatment, and then lockdown we are finally here. To think that this time next week there could be oodles of mini-me embryos all dividing on a petri dish waiting to be transferred into my womb (baby-house - this is what I hope it will be known as for the next nine months). SO EXCITING!!!
I have never, ever wanted something as bad as I want this - please, please, please let it work. If you are reading this please pray to whatever deity rocks your boat that this works. I am most certainly going to mass tomorrow - I/we have never, ever wanted anything as bad as we want this - I need to start showing my face at mass more often anyhow so there's no better time to start than now in my opinion. The nurse said I am a textbook case so far and given our positive, cheery outlook and healthy living there is no reason why we won't be pregnant this time next month. She also said that the Hubster's swimmers improvement is "commendable!" How awesome is that?! We were told at the beginning of treatment we have 40% chance of success (which is high going by IVF standards - I think this must've improved with all of our healthy living?)
So I've spoken to work about the posibility of developing OHSS, I don't think it went in really but if I feel in the slightest bit squiffy I shan't be going in to work - this is too important. I do feel at the moment like I'm about to come on - my lower abdomen is very firm to the touch and I have been getting pangs in my left side by my left ovary - this makes sense as there are 14 follicles on that side (and by the feel of it as I am on stims now for another two days I wouldn't be surprised if more follicles rock up), my boobs have gone from being deflated a couple of weeks ago to being back to their pre-menstrual self - larger and a bit tender - so yes - I feel like I feel when I am about to ovulate. With regards to the foo'ju - I told the nurses they need to tell ladies this shizzle! Needless to say they cracked up - not everyone gets it apparently but still - I can't see the harm in forewarning ladies that they may get it?!
So exciting days ahead, in the meantime I need to keep an eye on myself, make sure I'm drinking lots of water and I need to monitor the colour of my pee. I know one person who has had OHSS as a result of IVF and she had to go into hospital and I know from her account that is excruciatingly painful. She did get two beautiful baby girls from her IVF stint (first go) though - Molly and Josie - they are gorgeous so it's worth it. Kids hey - what - us ladies go through to get them? A friend of mine and his wife are also having IVF, at Kings and their EC is on Monday, another friend I know has had just her fourth ET, another friend of mine has had several IVF journeys and is now going down the surrogacy route, a parent from my Beaver Scout group went through IVF seven times to get her lovely boy Jonnie and someone at work is currently expecting (and she has the most gorgeous bump - she is positively glowing) - her pregnancy is a result of her first IVF attempt. My point is that IVF and infertility needn't be the taboo that it is, it's more common than we think. I am convinced we will get pregnant - my friends are all popping babies out left right and centre at the moment and I'm not going to lie and say I don't find it hard as I do find it hard - very hard but this gives me hope; hope that our journey is going to be a short(ish) one by IVF standards and I am going to join my bessie mates and have a mini-me of my own.
I'm actually off to meet one of my bessie mates for brunch this morning so I need to get a move on - it's just us two this morning, her wee man (affectionately referred to as "The Dude") is hanging out with Daddy this morning whilst us girls chew the fat. Tomorrow marks 17 years to the day when I first clapped eyes on the Hubster so I may see if I can find him a little pressie to say thank you for being amazing (that means I have spent 50% of my life with my wonderful Hubster - eeek! We REALLY deserve a break and to be able to have our own family - 17 years shouldn't be sniffed at). We don't normally do stuff like that - spend lots of money on presents on anniversaries - that is NOT the key to a long-relationship: love, trust, laughter and honesty are, not excessive gift giving (but that lecture is for another time). BUT my lovely Hubster deserves a little something, even if it is a silly a present - just to say thank you don't you think?
I must dash - catch ya later :) xxx
Monday, 21 January 2013
My womb is like a tree, my head feels like a battering ram...
Day 6 of stims
Firstly massive apologies for keeping you all in the dark for the past few days - I ended on such a high note then I just disappeared! To be honest - I haven't had a good few days. A lot of people who have gone through IVF have told me that the stims phase is easier to handle than the down regulation phase but I'm not an advocate of that theory as I have felt so rough over the past few days... This blog entry has taken three days to write I've been feeling so rough - gutted as the snow arrived and I've only been able to play a little bit :(
View from Mr & Mrs C's living room - nice and pretty
Today I'm off sick, I really wanted to minimise the amount of days I had off sick due to IVF but this just couldn't be helped. I've had the mother of all headaches since I woke up on Saturday morning (that was day three of stims). It's a common side-affect of the Gonal F / FSH jabs apparently. I've tried pints of water, juice, paracetamol, ibuprofen, 4head, a bath, sleep (lots of sleep) and this headache wavers between being a mild, dull ache to being akin to receiving a wallop to the middle of the forehead; it's smack bang in the middle of my forehead and can rapidly change from being a headache to a full on migraine. So the hot flushes have stopped (woo hoo) but now I feel debilitated by a very bad head :( I decided yesterday that if I still had this headache I wouldn't be going into work as I need it to go and I'd be pretty useless at work feeling like this (even writing this blog is pushing it to be honest but I need to keep you all updated with what its really like - being a hormonal pin cushion - it's not always that good despite PMA).
Having just spoken to Kings the nurse said what I am experiencing is normal and I've just had a bad reaction, it should start easing today/tomorrow. But I've also read not to take ibuprofen as it can affect the lining of the womb so I'll stick to paracetamol - apparently I'm ok to take co-codamol so I feel a trip to the chemist coming on (via the park so I can crunch on the snow!)
Last week I managed to fall fast asleep on route to work and woke up in North London having missed Blackfriars by 25 minutes, I was very grumpy that day and snapped at a colleague and I cried with friends in the design team who fed me with biscuits and chocolate until I started giggling (natch). On that same day I managed to convince myself that the Hubster had had a car crash on his way home as it took him longer than usual to get home - queue hysterical tears as he didn't answer his phone - I was almost hyperventilating thinking I can't do this without him (obviously!) The Hubster was buying a variety of food in Sainsbury's in an attempt to get me to eat (as my loss in appetite has resulted in my losing 10 pounds - woo hoo - every cloud - don't flap - when I do eat is the healthy stuff and protein rich). Obviously the Hubster is fine and I was balling for no reason. The tears I am pleased to report have subsided (but they're still there), I just can't get rid of this headache...
So I've moved onto the second message on my IVF belief CD and I have to say - its awesome! I can't remember all of what it tells you but in essence, my womb is like a dormant tree at the end of winter, waiting for spring when it can do what it is supposed to do and blossom into life! I quite like that analogy but it's the second part of the message that I REALLY like. You have to get to the top of a very tall building - in my head I'm in a gherkin like building but its predominantly white as opposed to black and I get to the top by walking (well, gliding really as I make it to the top very quickly), then you see a large door and have to imagine what colour and texture it is. Again - this is brilliant white with tiles for the texture and there's a sign that says control room; when I open the door I'm met with loads of bright fluorescent panels with loads of buttons, dials, levers, flashing lights. This is my brain apparently - how awesome is that?! I basically have a wee look at my brain and switch certain things on such as my ovaries - my ovaries have a bright pink neon background and a MASSIVE lever to switch it to ON; I must admit I rather enjoy pulling that lever! I also turn a neon orange dial for my womb lining to switch it from THIN to THICK - this positive visulation shizzle is cool - it's like being on the starship enterprise and I'm directing the path it has to take, and in essence that's what I'm doing - I'm telling my body to go into warp speed and to start producing lots of lady hormones that I am used to. I just wish the headaches would do one.
Other things that I'm not loving at the moment include my tummy starting to get fed up of injections... Every time I do a jab now I'm bleeding and it hurts - ouch. I have been told I can do the jabs on my leg but I'd rather stick to my tummy and limit the discomfort to that area of my body please. Other things that are starting to get on my nerves are certain ladies saying: "ah, I know exactly how you feel." Mmmmmm, well unless you've gone through IVF then you haven't a scooby doo how I feel. So if you have a child that was conceived naturally then I'm sorry girlfriend - you don't know how I feel. Just because you are tired and your child is unable to stay asleep all night doesn't mean you know how I feel as you already have a child. I would love to get jiggy with the Hubster and discover two weeks later that I'm pregnant (which is what these ladies had to fortune to experience). Being told that I will continue to feel like shit throughout my pregnancy (fingers crossed that is the outcome; I have however met plenty of women who LOVED being pregnant and they didn't feel like poo and then had babies who slept eight hours a night from week three - not every baby and toddler has sleep issues but shall I just try and get to the baby stage first hey?) Being told that I will from this day onwards be tearful, be exhausted, have hot flushes and have headaches doesn't help thanks!
225 units of FSH on a pre-loaded pen ...
Delivered via this needle ...
But the main thing that is REALLY getting my goat at the moment is having menopausal women think they are in competition with me re: who has the most extreme symptoms. Argh - do one will you?! Being told "ah, wait until you've got two kids, then you'll know what exhaustion is really like" or "I know how you feel Jo - I'm going through the same thing." EXCUSE ME? NO YOU'RE BLOODY NOT!!! What I find galling is women who love a good moan about how exhausted their children make them, particularly as they are just entering the menopause. Well sorry love, we don't feel the same - we are poles apart thank you very much, I'm putting myself through all of this in order to get a baby or two you insensitive twonk! My hormones are like this because my Hubster and I have been trying to make babies the traditional way for three years and failed, so I'm having to pump myself full of hormones (via daily doo-lally jabs which you really would make a song and dance over having to do if you were in my shoes), these bring on a shortened, condensed menopause over the space of 2.5 weeks. You on the other hand have been blessed with children and are just entering the menopause; I suggest you go and get some HRT, eat healthily and take supplements that help level you out, but do not compare what you are going through to what I am going through as seriously - if you really want a competition then I'm going to win, you have the family I crave so don't moan about your boisterous kids and going through the change; there's no competing when you think I'll be going through the menopause myself in about 15 years time (and I'd bet a whole Vatican Euro it's nowhere near as full on as down regulation) - so I get double the fun! It's not a competition so if you ask me how I'm feeling and I tell you please just listen, I'm more than happy to empathise with how you are feeling but don't compare your situation to mine unless you are having/have had IVF.
These incidents of annoyance though are quite rare and you are able to keep them in check - I go back to thinking to my fluffy white cloud that deflects all stress and negative energy. If these ladies really do want to whinge then that's their decision - I no doubt will have a whinge about my children in the future but at the moment I'd just like to make a mini-me for the Hubster and I. Becoming a Mummy and Daddy is what we were made for and I seriously can't wait for that to happen so grumpiness, headaches, menopausal women and mothers of toddlers - all of these things do not deter me - it will be amazing when it happens.
So what I've been craving: snow has arrived and I've been confined to rest, this is very boring. A little play over the weekend was allowed but I'm contemplating a wee walk to the park later (if the head has cleared). In the mean time - check out some pix of the brand new Gonal F jabs. I've been jabbing myself for 22 days - today is day 23 so not much longer to go - please keep your pinkies and toes crossed that this goddamn MoFo of a headache does one asap so I can go make snow angels before all the snow melts.
Catch ya later :) xxx
One of the many boxes of Gonal F jabs currently occupying my fridge
And this is the treat you are met with - all of those needles for only four injections per pen?!
Firstly massive apologies for keeping you all in the dark for the past few days - I ended on such a high note then I just disappeared! To be honest - I haven't had a good few days. A lot of people who have gone through IVF have told me that the stims phase is easier to handle than the down regulation phase but I'm not an advocate of that theory as I have felt so rough over the past few days... This blog entry has taken three days to write I've been feeling so rough - gutted as the snow arrived and I've only been able to play a little bit :(
View from Mr & Mrs C's living room - nice and pretty
Today I'm off sick, I really wanted to minimise the amount of days I had off sick due to IVF but this just couldn't be helped. I've had the mother of all headaches since I woke up on Saturday morning (that was day three of stims). It's a common side-affect of the Gonal F / FSH jabs apparently. I've tried pints of water, juice, paracetamol, ibuprofen, 4head, a bath, sleep (lots of sleep) and this headache wavers between being a mild, dull ache to being akin to receiving a wallop to the middle of the forehead; it's smack bang in the middle of my forehead and can rapidly change from being a headache to a full on migraine. So the hot flushes have stopped (woo hoo) but now I feel debilitated by a very bad head :( I decided yesterday that if I still had this headache I wouldn't be going into work as I need it to go and I'd be pretty useless at work feeling like this (even writing this blog is pushing it to be honest but I need to keep you all updated with what its really like - being a hormonal pin cushion - it's not always that good despite PMA).
Having just spoken to Kings the nurse said what I am experiencing is normal and I've just had a bad reaction, it should start easing today/tomorrow. But I've also read not to take ibuprofen as it can affect the lining of the womb so I'll stick to paracetamol - apparently I'm ok to take co-codamol so I feel a trip to the chemist coming on (via the park so I can crunch on the snow!)
Last week I managed to fall fast asleep on route to work and woke up in North London having missed Blackfriars by 25 minutes, I was very grumpy that day and snapped at a colleague and I cried with friends in the design team who fed me with biscuits and chocolate until I started giggling (natch). On that same day I managed to convince myself that the Hubster had had a car crash on his way home as it took him longer than usual to get home - queue hysterical tears as he didn't answer his phone - I was almost hyperventilating thinking I can't do this without him (obviously!) The Hubster was buying a variety of food in Sainsbury's in an attempt to get me to eat (as my loss in appetite has resulted in my losing 10 pounds - woo hoo - every cloud - don't flap - when I do eat is the healthy stuff and protein rich). Obviously the Hubster is fine and I was balling for no reason. The tears I am pleased to report have subsided (but they're still there), I just can't get rid of this headache...
So I've moved onto the second message on my IVF belief CD and I have to say - its awesome! I can't remember all of what it tells you but in essence, my womb is like a dormant tree at the end of winter, waiting for spring when it can do what it is supposed to do and blossom into life! I quite like that analogy but it's the second part of the message that I REALLY like. You have to get to the top of a very tall building - in my head I'm in a gherkin like building but its predominantly white as opposed to black and I get to the top by walking (well, gliding really as I make it to the top very quickly), then you see a large door and have to imagine what colour and texture it is. Again - this is brilliant white with tiles for the texture and there's a sign that says control room; when I open the door I'm met with loads of bright fluorescent panels with loads of buttons, dials, levers, flashing lights. This is my brain apparently - how awesome is that?! I basically have a wee look at my brain and switch certain things on such as my ovaries - my ovaries have a bright pink neon background and a MASSIVE lever to switch it to ON; I must admit I rather enjoy pulling that lever! I also turn a neon orange dial for my womb lining to switch it from THIN to THICK - this positive visulation shizzle is cool - it's like being on the starship enterprise and I'm directing the path it has to take, and in essence that's what I'm doing - I'm telling my body to go into warp speed and to start producing lots of lady hormones that I am used to. I just wish the headaches would do one.
Other things that I'm not loving at the moment include my tummy starting to get fed up of injections... Every time I do a jab now I'm bleeding and it hurts - ouch. I have been told I can do the jabs on my leg but I'd rather stick to my tummy and limit the discomfort to that area of my body please. Other things that are starting to get on my nerves are certain ladies saying: "ah, I know exactly how you feel." Mmmmmm, well unless you've gone through IVF then you haven't a scooby doo how I feel. So if you have a child that was conceived naturally then I'm sorry girlfriend - you don't know how I feel. Just because you are tired and your child is unable to stay asleep all night doesn't mean you know how I feel as you already have a child. I would love to get jiggy with the Hubster and discover two weeks later that I'm pregnant (which is what these ladies had to fortune to experience). Being told that I will continue to feel like shit throughout my pregnancy (fingers crossed that is the outcome; I have however met plenty of women who LOVED being pregnant and they didn't feel like poo and then had babies who slept eight hours a night from week three - not every baby and toddler has sleep issues but shall I just try and get to the baby stage first hey?) Being told that I will from this day onwards be tearful, be exhausted, have hot flushes and have headaches doesn't help thanks!
225 units of FSH on a pre-loaded pen ...
Delivered via this needle ...
But the main thing that is REALLY getting my goat at the moment is having menopausal women think they are in competition with me re: who has the most extreme symptoms. Argh - do one will you?! Being told "ah, wait until you've got two kids, then you'll know what exhaustion is really like" or "I know how you feel Jo - I'm going through the same thing." EXCUSE ME? NO YOU'RE BLOODY NOT!!! What I find galling is women who love a good moan about how exhausted their children make them, particularly as they are just entering the menopause. Well sorry love, we don't feel the same - we are poles apart thank you very much, I'm putting myself through all of this in order to get a baby or two you insensitive twonk! My hormones are like this because my Hubster and I have been trying to make babies the traditional way for three years and failed, so I'm having to pump myself full of hormones (via daily doo-lally jabs which you really would make a song and dance over having to do if you were in my shoes), these bring on a shortened, condensed menopause over the space of 2.5 weeks. You on the other hand have been blessed with children and are just entering the menopause; I suggest you go and get some HRT, eat healthily and take supplements that help level you out, but do not compare what you are going through to what I am going through as seriously - if you really want a competition then I'm going to win, you have the family I crave so don't moan about your boisterous kids and going through the change; there's no competing when you think I'll be going through the menopause myself in about 15 years time (and I'd bet a whole Vatican Euro it's nowhere near as full on as down regulation) - so I get double the fun! It's not a competition so if you ask me how I'm feeling and I tell you please just listen, I'm more than happy to empathise with how you are feeling but don't compare your situation to mine unless you are having/have had IVF.
These incidents of annoyance though are quite rare and you are able to keep them in check - I go back to thinking to my fluffy white cloud that deflects all stress and negative energy. If these ladies really do want to whinge then that's their decision - I no doubt will have a whinge about my children in the future but at the moment I'd just like to make a mini-me for the Hubster and I. Becoming a Mummy and Daddy is what we were made for and I seriously can't wait for that to happen so grumpiness, headaches, menopausal women and mothers of toddlers - all of these things do not deter me - it will be amazing when it happens.
So what I've been craving: snow has arrived and I've been confined to rest, this is very boring. A little play over the weekend was allowed but I'm contemplating a wee walk to the park later (if the head has cleared). In the mean time - check out some pix of the brand new Gonal F jabs. I've been jabbing myself for 22 days - today is day 23 so not much longer to go - please keep your pinkies and toes crossed that this goddamn MoFo of a headache does one asap so I can go make snow angels before all the snow melts.
Catch ya later :) xxx
One of the many boxes of Gonal F jabs currently occupying my fridge
And this is the treat you are met with - all of those needles for only four injections per pen?!
Monday, 14 January 2013
Fancy a game of mood swing ball?
Day 15 of Down Regulation
Today I don't have much to report other than: meh!
Woke up with a headache, this is now an everyday occurance - thanks to my bessie Emma I now have some 4head. 4head is a lemon menthol stick that you rub across your forehead when you get a headache - and it works - genius! So 10 minutes later headache disappeared but I was still in a bad mood and I have remained so all day - meh!
This has obviously been brewing since yesterday as I had a 10 minute sob with the Hubster yesterday afternoon just as he was prepping for his radio show (he can be so patient sometimes). Once I'd calmed down it was then I started on my first blog entry and I felt immediately better after I had splurged my IVF story/rant. Maybe that's the key to coping with IVF - having a daily rant (but then I tend to do that anyway).
I managed to crack a few smiles having a mid-Sunday morning boogie in the front room, had lunch at the 'spoon with Mum and Mama & Papa C but then I was just too hot and had to go outside to cool off four times (with just a t-shirt on, I was too steamy even to wear my specs this lunch time so I left them at home). All this made me grumpy and I apologised after lunch; I knew I'd been a bit punchy - oops.
So this is a short and sweet entry; despite all your positivity, amazing Hubster and friends, IVF belief CDs - sometimes you're just grumpy and in no moody for socialising or being happy and cheery! I'm recognising why I'm grumpy and I understand why its happening but it takes effort to take yourself out of the negative zone, so that's when its time to listen to The Orb! Its like trying to stop the black cloud us ladies associate with PMT - at times this can be a challenge.
So my lovely, patient Hubster has now gone out in search of crumpets as its the one thing I want to eat! Bless him - I do have a hint of a smile, fingers crossed despite it being Monday tomorrow, it will be a better day.
My jab / hazard box were I put all used needles.
Today I don't have much to report other than: meh!
Woke up with a headache, this is now an everyday occurance - thanks to my bessie Emma I now have some 4head. 4head is a lemon menthol stick that you rub across your forehead when you get a headache - and it works - genius! So 10 minutes later headache disappeared but I was still in a bad mood and I have remained so all day - meh!
This has obviously been brewing since yesterday as I had a 10 minute sob with the Hubster yesterday afternoon just as he was prepping for his radio show (he can be so patient sometimes). Once I'd calmed down it was then I started on my first blog entry and I felt immediately better after I had splurged my IVF story/rant. Maybe that's the key to coping with IVF - having a daily rant (but then I tend to do that anyway).
I managed to crack a few smiles having a mid-Sunday morning boogie in the front room, had lunch at the 'spoon with Mum and Mama & Papa C but then I was just too hot and had to go outside to cool off four times (with just a t-shirt on, I was too steamy even to wear my specs this lunch time so I left them at home). All this made me grumpy and I apologised after lunch; I knew I'd been a bit punchy - oops.
So this is a short and sweet entry; despite all your positivity, amazing Hubster and friends, IVF belief CDs - sometimes you're just grumpy and in no moody for socialising or being happy and cheery! I'm recognising why I'm grumpy and I understand why its happening but it takes effort to take yourself out of the negative zone, so that's when its time to listen to The Orb! Its like trying to stop the black cloud us ladies associate with PMT - at times this can be a challenge.
So my lovely, patient Hubster has now gone out in search of crumpets as its the one thing I want to eat! Bless him - I do have a hint of a smile, fingers crossed despite it being Monday tomorrow, it will be a better day.
My jab / hazard box were I put all used needles.
Sunday, 13 January 2013
I'm not quite feeling myself...
Hi
I'm Johanna - otherwise known as Jojo (or Jo) to all my friends. I've written a few blogs in the past but I've never been able to maintain them - they need to fill a need right? You need to feel that you are adding value to cyberspace; if you're not adding value and you're struggling to write then there really is no point in continuing. I've been looking for my next passion to get me blogging and by jove I think I've found it: the quest to make a mini-me! How bloody hard can it be?! That is the question?
Well it can be mighty hard and I don't think anyone can fully understand just how hard it can be until the trying starts and if after six months there's no bun in the oven - that's when fear starts to rear its ugly head. My Hubster and I are way past the six month stage and are now at the IVF stage. This is my truthful blog about what the IVF journey is really like, as no amount of preparation can truly get you ready for this journey. I hope my few words might help set the record straight; we all take it for granted that making a baby will be easy and that we can carry on raving it up until the very last second of our youth but trust me - it doesn't always work out like that, it might take years to get pregnant...
I'm on day 14 of down regulation; for those of you out there who don't know what that means, here's an explanation: in order for IVF to work the woman needs to shut down completely. Then the clinic can control your hormones and the only way they can do that is if there isn't any fertile activity g'wan - ironic hey? (I spent three years making myself work and now you're putting a halt to all that hard work?! WTF?!) The hormones that you initially start injecting with (some use spray but I'm injecting) shut all of your female reproductive hormones down - in short - you're given a chemical menopause - whoop de whoop!
Now I thought I was prepared, I've read everything there is to read, forums, booklets, medical journals, spoken to friends who have been through it (and are still going through it), gotten healthy and made sure I was fully vitamined up but my god - NOTHING PREPARES YOU!!! It's a bit like a two week come down that gradually gets worse - or having PMT on a monumental scale. BUT its not always that bad and it is manageable if you have the right attitude but it is tough, very tough on both the Hubster and me (obviously).
I inject 50 units of buserelin every evening at 7:30pm. My first injection all seemed wrong and I freaked (first proper IVF tears). I had a word with myself and and I "womaned up!" Stop crying woman and just get on with it! Its only an injection! If I'm honest, all of this is to make a baby and if I'm scared of injecting myself gawd knows what I'll be like when it comes to getting the baby out?! Fast forward five days and I'm jabbing myself mid Harry Potter studio tour - can't let this shizzle get in the way of a trip to Hogwarts now can I?! So trust me, if I can "woman up" and get used to daily jabs then anyone can - I actually think my fear of injections has left me - every cloud. To see what I inject daily check the photo at the end of this post.
BUT fast forward eight days of doing the jabs and that's when the fun starts, get to day 14 like I'm on and I wouldn't quite call it fun but its starting to get interesting:
I'm Johanna - otherwise known as Jojo (or Jo) to all my friends. I've written a few blogs in the past but I've never been able to maintain them - they need to fill a need right? You need to feel that you are adding value to cyberspace; if you're not adding value and you're struggling to write then there really is no point in continuing. I've been looking for my next passion to get me blogging and by jove I think I've found it: the quest to make a mini-me! How bloody hard can it be?! That is the question?
Well it can be mighty hard and I don't think anyone can fully understand just how hard it can be until the trying starts and if after six months there's no bun in the oven - that's when fear starts to rear its ugly head. My Hubster and I are way past the six month stage and are now at the IVF stage. This is my truthful blog about what the IVF journey is really like, as no amount of preparation can truly get you ready for this journey. I hope my few words might help set the record straight; we all take it for granted that making a baby will be easy and that we can carry on raving it up until the very last second of our youth but trust me - it doesn't always work out like that, it might take years to get pregnant...
I'm on day 14 of down regulation; for those of you out there who don't know what that means, here's an explanation: in order for IVF to work the woman needs to shut down completely. Then the clinic can control your hormones and the only way they can do that is if there isn't any fertile activity g'wan - ironic hey? (I spent three years making myself work and now you're putting a halt to all that hard work?! WTF?!) The hormones that you initially start injecting with (some use spray but I'm injecting) shut all of your female reproductive hormones down - in short - you're given a chemical menopause - whoop de whoop!
Now I thought I was prepared, I've read everything there is to read, forums, booklets, medical journals, spoken to friends who have been through it (and are still going through it), gotten healthy and made sure I was fully vitamined up but my god - NOTHING PREPARES YOU!!! It's a bit like a two week come down that gradually gets worse - or having PMT on a monumental scale. BUT its not always that bad and it is manageable if you have the right attitude but it is tough, very tough on both the Hubster and me (obviously).
I inject 50 units of buserelin every evening at 7:30pm. My first injection all seemed wrong and I freaked (first proper IVF tears). I had a word with myself and and I "womaned up!" Stop crying woman and just get on with it! Its only an injection! If I'm honest, all of this is to make a baby and if I'm scared of injecting myself gawd knows what I'll be like when it comes to getting the baby out?! Fast forward five days and I'm jabbing myself mid Harry Potter studio tour - can't let this shizzle get in the way of a trip to Hogwarts now can I?! So trust me, if I can "woman up" and get used to daily jabs then anyone can - I actually think my fear of injections has left me - every cloud. To see what I inject daily check the photo at the end of this post.
BUT fast forward eight days of doing the jabs and that's when the fun starts, get to day 14 like I'm on and I wouldn't quite call it fun but its starting to get interesting:
- Mood swings
- Tears, lots of tears - big fat ones that roll uncontrollably down your face.
- Feeling HOT HOT HOT! And I don't mean hot in a sexy way - I mean sweaty roasting hot, when your specs steam up immediately when you get on the tube, and whilst everyone else is wrapped up you're positively ecstatic at the thought of a snowball fight in your cossie! Turning up to work after a stress free 45 minute journey with sopping wet hair and damp armpits is generally not the kinda look I'm after but such is life! This they don't tell you when they inform you of the hot flush side-affect, I thought I'd just feel a bit warm, not like I'd just jumped head first into the lido (in summertime) fully clothed... Nice! Ladies: as Baden-Powell would say: "Be prepared!"
- Forgetfulness - this translates to faffing and taking forever to do a simple task. The other morning it took me 1hr 40mins to get out the door to go to work. In that time I totally forgot where my specs were and had a proper meltdown - full on sobbing until I found them. Mid spectacle hunt I started to have a monumental hot flush so I took my cardi off, then I forgot where I put my cardi and spent a further 10 minutes searching for it - whimpering?! ARGH - SOOOOO FRUSTRATING!
- Headaches - MoFo, MoFo, MoFo.
- Loss of appetite - force feeding is now a daily occurrence.
- Insomnia - this is amplified when you're married to a man who snores, queue mood swings at this point and after three consecutive nights of barely any sleep, tears, exhaustion and clumsiness.
- Exhaustion - and not just when you haven't slept. I had to cancel two lunch dates with a friend and was late for two other lunches over the Christmas break as I just couldn't wake up and get my sorry bottom out of bed. Akin to being a teenager when sleep was the centre of your universe - getting out of bed at times is an impossibility.
- Clumsy - I headbutted the windowsill the other night (I'd dropped my headphones and I'm still looking for them. I bumped my head so hard I forgot about looking for my headphones!) I had hysterical laughter and tears for 15 minutes, to which my bemused Hubster tried to see if there was blood. No blood but I still have a comical bump - this all adds to the general sense of "sexiness" (said in a sarcastic voice).
Basically a woman hits the menopause when she gets to 45 - 55 and it takes roughly 18 months from start to finish and is a gradual process. Well condense that to 2.5 weeks and you can imagine the resulting carnage! HAPPY DAYS!!!
I have a very patient Hubster - we've been together an eternity and he's seen me in every which way I come but this is something else. IVF is a very frustrating thing for my lovely Hubster - he has been amazing and I love him very much - how he hasn't lost his rag with me (yet) is beyond me?! It's all happening to me - of course he plays a vital role in what is about to happen and has had to stop smoking, cut down on the booze and generally stop our party lifestyle (not as hard it sounds, our IVF journey started long before I started treatment, we'd started winding down a good while ago limiting ourselves to a few nights out a year with Bestival or Festibelly thrown in for good measure. But Summer 2012 was going to be big and will be known in years to come as our last hurrah - a time where we were able to celebrate being together as a couple - in moderation of course; we hoped 2013 would be the year we finally got pregnant). Summer 2012 will always be remembered as the year my best friend got married to Tom; their wedding festival marked the beginning of a summer jam-packed with fun and included us going on a Courtney record breaking: five festivals, Greece for 10 days, the Olympics and Paralympics - we went out with style knowing our IVF treatment was imminent. Oh what fun we had! My Hubster has adjusted super quick to his now irrational wife who sobs almost on command, he scoops me up daily, calls me (fallen) Angel, makes me crackup laughing several times a day. In short he makes it all worth it as this is about US and not just me - two want to become three so whatever it takes...
My coping mechanism is this: The IVF Belief CD. Without listening to this CD every night I doubt I'd still be laughing and generally stress free and super positive (with the daily exception). As despite all of the above I am super optimistic. Believing that all of this will be worth it is half the battle, not taking yourself too seriously but making sure you are chilled and are looking after yourself is also very important.
My friends joke that I've become their vitamin pusher; for a good while now I have been investing in my body, looking at what I eat, what vitamins and minerals I take, cutting caffeine out (apart from one coffee in the morning - having a "proper cup of tea" has now become a real treat), stopping the social smoking and cutting my booze intake right down. On NYE at Emma and Tom's party I was rather tipsy after two small glass of champagne! They were swiftly followed by a jug of water and later on I was on the spritzers - all three of them! I was happily whisked home at 3am after having a good old dance and feeling sober, it proves it can be done. So booze, when drunk has been watered down for a good while now, the full fat stuff knocks me sideways! I've spent a small fortune in Holland & Barratt on:
I recommend anyone trying for a baby takes some if not all of the above when they start their journey. Vitamins, exercise (in moderation - I had to stop running which I still haven't quite gotten over), and healthy eating; brazil nuts and pineapple juice are both rich in selenium and broccoli is high in zinc - both good for the swimmers.
Given that I've compared down regulation to having a monumental come down here's another one of my coping mechanisms: The Orb. If you need to chill then you NEED to listen to Little Fluffy Clouds. The Orb's Little Fluffy Clouds takes all my stress and negative energy away, off they float into the universe and they leave me alone.
And finally - other than my wonderful Hubster, healthy living, The Orb and hypnotherapy CDs - my friends help keep me sane. I am blessed with the most awesome group of friends (you know who you are), and for them I am so very grateful. They let me be me and my gosh - they have amazing patience and listening skills (and they're all hilarious - they make me laugh so hard and I love them to the moon and back - they are ***totes amaze***). I may appear to be blaśe about IVF and my journey but they know the gravitas of what is happening here. So at the very least, if you're reading this and are in the same situation as me but have a very different attitude and are keeping your IVF journey very private, its worth considering leaning on your friends. Given how I have reacted to the drugs there is no way on God's earth I could've kept our IVF journey a secret. If I had tried I would've revealed all after being harassed over my strange behaviour: your friends provide support when you need it most and without my friends I would be lost.
I have to go and do my 14th jab so I'm signing off. Not every entry will be this long - I'm just setting the scene! So catch me later as I fill you in on mine and the Hubster's quest to make a mini-me.
50 units of buserelin, 7:30pm dally for 2 - 3 weeks.
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